Emotional Connection

The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out. Proverbs 20:5

"So, what are your take aways from our session this week? What will you put into practice?"

I sat there trying to remember the three words I'd been thinking about during our time. They just sort of came to me as we talked for our hour together. Let's see they were...

• demanding
• arrogant
• judgmental
• critical

O yeah, its not any of those words. Those are just my own self-descriptors. It was these three things I wanted to focus on:

Mindfulness. When I'm engaging with my wife and children am I mindful of what they are saying? Or am I more like this? It's all about me. Am I really listening to what they are saying? Do I even care what they are saying or am I so full of my own agenda? My own worries? My own concerns? Being right? Wherever Jesus went he was present with the people he encountered. He heard them. He listened. He cared. Mindfulness if so crucial. The intentionality of my relationships...not in the abstract as in "the relationship"... but in whether I am fully present in the now is so crucial. I want to be mindful. 

"...take every thought captive to obey Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5

I remember when I led YFC that one of the four principles of leading small groups was to make that time intentional. I need this with my own wife and kids. I am such a douche! Seriously. The fact I have to remind myself of this makes me sad. 

Emotionally Connected. Really? Writing this one out so that I actually see it makes me sad again. A whole new level of sadness. Do I really have to preach this to myself? Really? 

It's true. I do. 

I realize that I can have entire conversations where I express my opinion. Where I'm intellectually engaged and challenged and yet I have not connected with the person I'm speaking too. I've had an entire conversation where I've been platonic (separating the world of ideas from the world of what is). As if ideas mattered more than real people. Man that is pathetic. Are people nothing more than objects from which to extract data. Should I simply sift through their thoughts and ideas and keep those that are only interesting, discarding the rest as refuse? Doesn't context matter, i.e, the actual human I'm speaking with?

How dare I treat my children like this. My wife. My coworkers. Hell, God himself I treat like this. A neat idea to bang around with my intellect. 

I think this is one of the reasons the gospel is so powerful. Jesus was frickin' nailed to a cross. Bloody flesh smashed open with a nail. Internal organs rearranged as the spear shot through his side. Can you get any more real than that? Isn't this what Jesus wants to give me in my relationships as his disciple? Earthy context? 

I mean, while Jesus was dying on the cross (literally dying) he made sure someone was gonna take care of his momma. He was emotionally connected to her. To her wellbeing. Thinking about what she would need after he was gone.

I'm realizing how far short I fall short of this. The ideas are secondary. They are important. They may even need to be prioritized in terms of providing truth to a situation or conversation. But they are not primary. The person is primary. Jesus didn't come to save people so they could think right. He came to save people so they could live right. Truly live. 

Part of following the Way is to be emotionally connected to others. Living with them.

So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.1 Thessalonians 2:8

Am I willing to give over myself to my wife? My kids? To be really connected?

Open-ended Questions. This is perhaps more practical, but do I ask open-ended questions. You know questions I DON'T have the answer to? Or do I ask questions simply so I can answer...with good advice...correct...direction...Truth?

Bullshit!!! I call bullshit on myself. I need to relearn this art.

Relationships are not to be used. People are not to be foils that I can use to test my intellectual perversities and questions.

Relationships matter so much because God IS relationship in a very real sense. The interaction of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is relational by its nature. The ultimate metaphysics of the universe are grounded in relationship.

The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out. Proverbs 20:5

I want to draw out my wife and children for their good. To help them experience Christ themselves. To understand why they are feeling what they feel. To help them take their very heart to the God who loves them.

I say I'm following the Way. That I'm a disciple of Jesus. Oh that I would love others as he did. Mindful, Emotionally Connected, asking Open-ended Questions. Have mercy on me Lord!!!

To you I lift up my eyes, O you who are enthroned in the heavens! Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the LORD our God, till he has mercy upon us. Psalm 123:1-2